Karma is a bitch Robert Hatch.

It's getting cold again. I am not really looking forward to the cold weather. In fact, I have been dreading it. I think I am starting to get a cold too which makes the cold, windy weather that much worse. The good thing about the cold is I can break out my winter boots again and wear sweaters and sweatshirts. That is my favorite thing about the cold, by far. It also means that Thanksgiving and Christmas are coming up. Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday. I'm not really sure why, except for I absolutely love the feeling I get. It must stem from a childhood memory, although I can't really remember a good Thanksgiving before I met Alex. My ex-step father made holidays hell in any way he could. He would lecture us and make my mom upset over things that didn't really matter. Things like laying on the floor in the living room, putting the dogs outside or talking too loud were just a few of the things that he would get after us about. He was probably the worst thing I can remember when I think about holidays or my childhood. And the strange thing was, was that he would mostly get mad at me. There was something about me that he didn't like. Sure he got upset with my other siblings, but not quite to the extent that he got upset with me. He could probably tell that I despised him and his son more than anything else, but I really wasn't a bad kid, he just didn't like me; he hated me. I mostly kept to myself. The saddest thing about it was that when my mom wasn't home and Bob was, I would just stay in my room, all night, just so I wouldn't have to be around him. I would avoid him at all costs. So you can imagine the relief I felt when my mom decided that she had taken enough of his verbal abuse and decided that she would live without him. I felt free again. That must be the great feeling I get now on Thanksgiving and Christmas--being able to enjoy myself without having to walk on eggshells--or having to worry that Bob was going to say something that would make my mom or one of us kids cry. It's not hard to believe that we are all emotionally scarred because of him, but at least that part of our lives is over. Now when I think about him, all I think about is sending him a mean letter or email saying how much of my life he ruined. How much of my mom's life he ruined. And then I think about doing something destructive to him or his possessions.

My absolute fondest memory of being lectured by him was when we were driving home from a movie--my mom, Bob, my friend Heather and I. Heather and I were in the back seat, getting lectured about who knows what, and a song came on the radio. The chorus is "And it's a great day to be alive, I know the sun's still shining when I close my eyes, There's some hard times in the neighborhood, But why can't every day be just this good?" I was mouthing the song to Heather while he was lecturing us. He had no idea that we weren't listening to him, that I was mocking him. I was secretly embarrassed, but I guess that's how I coped with the years of verbal abuse, I joked about it.

I have to admit that every time I hear about something that has happened to him, I get a good deal of satisfaction out of it. Karma is a bitch Robert Henry Hatch. Remember that. When you had to file for bankruptcy, when you had to foreclose on your house, I hope you know I was smiling. You deserve every bit of bad that you get for putting us all through hell. And to everyone who is reading this, know that I am not a cold person. Usually I empathize with people who have bad things happen to them. But in this case, it is 100% deserved. Not always do bad things happen to bad people, but high-five for this. The universe is showing me that in the end, people really do get what they deserve. I have to stop myself when I start feeling sorry for him. It's sad that he will most likely die alone, with no one in his life. He has nothing anymore. I simply have to remind myself that he could have had it all. He could have had a family that cared about him, but he ruined any chance he had by being a complete ass hole.

So every holiday my family has now without Bob is a blessing. I am thankful that he is no longer a part of our lives, that he can no longer hurt us with his hateful words. It feels good to be free of him; it feels really good.

Ugh

Tomorrow is the day that I have been dreading ever since I gave birth to my little monkey man. That's right. I go back to work tomorrow and I am not looking forward to it. I am happy that Alex has the day off so he can watch him while I am at work, but I will still miss him. I talked Alex into taking me to work tomorrow. It took little negotiating actually. It makes more sense considering that we have family night at Alex's parents' house. The good news, I only work weekends. I have to keep reminding myself that I am only going to be working weekends so it's not really that big of a deal being gone for 8 hours each day. I'll be fine.

On a brighter note, I successfully completed my second week of working out today. The first week I went 5 out of 7 days, but it was random. This week: Monday-Friday 6:30-7a.m. workouts. 25-30 minutes on the elliptical machine and then weights. Arms and legs every other day. It feels good to get back in the swing of things and it works out well, really. Keagan has been sleeping 9 hours at night for the past week so when he gets up at 6:15, I feed him and put him back in bed and then I go to the gym. It's kind of sad how out of shape I have gotten these past months. I am pretty hard on myself, and even though I had a baby 8 weeks ago, I feel like my body should be more like what it was before I got pregnant. It is not at all like what it was pre-pregnancy though. I wish results would show sooner. One good thing is my pre-pregnancy jeans are starting to fit better. It's kind of weird how it works..jeans fitting better but the numbers on the scale don't really change much. That's why it's frustrating. I have to keep telling myself that numbers don't mean everything.

Another completely random thought, I am really happy that it is fall. I love this season. Sunny, cool weather. Leaves on the ground. Trees turning oranges and reds. It really makes me happy. Part of it has to do with the fact that I met Alex in the summer and we started dating in the fall. Ugh, sappy. Alex would be so disappointed if he read this. Anyway, all along I have been saying how depressed it makes me that it is starting to get dark at 6:30 at night, but not I am kind of looking forward to daylight savings.

I don't want to go to work tomorrow. UGH! Maybe I won't wait so long to write my next blog either.

Silly doctors.

I think the person who said that babies sleeping on their bellies could potentially cause SIDS doesn't really know what they are talking about. More often than not, I think doctors and other professionals don't have an explanation for medical problems, SIDS included, so they tell people what to do and what not to do to prevent that problem from happening. In fact, I think it is kind of ridiculous for doctors to tell people the worst case scenario when it most likely will never come to that. For example, when I was pregnant, I went to the doctor for a checkup and to listen to baby's heartbeat. When the doctor was trying to find his heartbeat she says "Oh, that sounds like an irregular heartbeat." She then switches to the other side of my stomach where she could hear his heartbeat better, and as it turned out, his heartbeat wasn't irregular at all. My question is, why would you even say something like that without being sure first? She's lucky I wasn't overly emotional that day because I can only imagine what some pregnant people would do if she caused panic like that to them. Another example of being told the worst case scenario was when baby K was born with jaundice and the doctor said that if it gets high enough it could cause brain damage. It freaked me out. I worried for DAYS because of that comment.

Anyway, I have been putting him on his belly to sleep for naps and I think he sleeps better that way. I have put him on his side to sleep too. My mom put me on my stomach to sleep all the time when I was younger and I didn't die from SIDS. I think it is kind of funny that they used to tell new parents to not have their babies sleep on their backs because if the baby spit up, they might choke on it. Pretty soon they will tell us that babies can't sleep at all because something terrible will happen if they do.