My spirits were lifted.

There is something very peaceful about snow--something that makes me forget all my worries for a split second. I wasn't expecting it to snow today, so when I looked outside before leaving for the gym and saw that it was snowing, it immediately lifted my spirits.

Here are a few sayings that make me smile:

"Do unto others as you would have them do unto you, for this is law and the prophets"

"The rest of creation is waiting, breathless, for you to take your place." -David Whyte

"Life was never meant to be a struggle, just a gentle progression from one point to another, much like walking through a valley on a sunny day." -Stuart Wilde

"Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbour. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore.Dream. Discover"- Mark Twain

“Being considerate of others will take you further in life than a college degree." -Marian Wright Edelman

“The best way you can cheer yourself up is to cheer someone else up”

"It's not what you look at that matters, it's what you see."- Henry David Thoreau

In three words I can sum up everything I've learned about life. It goes on.- Robert Frost

Until next time, friends.

How time flies!

K-man has his four month checkup on Wednesday. It is so hard for me to believe that he will be four months old! It seems like just last week when I went into labor. The funniest thing that happened to me happened when we were driving to the hospital. I had a headlight out for a week or maybe longer, but since I never drove at night, it never really mattered much. I started having contractions around 10:45 pm on the 18th and since they were 5 minutes apart from the start, we left for the hospital around 11:45 or 12. As we pulled out of the driveway, Alex says to me "Wouldn't it be funny if we got pulled over for the headlight?" Of course I disagreed saying something along the lines of how that would NOT be funny because I was in pain. We got to the end of our street, turned right, came to the 4-way stop where a police officer was stopped waiting to go. We drove maybe 5-10 yards more when we saw the officer turn on his lights. I couldn't help but laugh a little, because he JUST got done saying how funny it would be if this happened. The officer walked up to the window and said how the light was out and Alex said "Yeah, I've been meaning to get it fixed, and I will as soon as I can..." And then he points over to me "...but she is in labor" And then officer looked over to me and replied with "Oh, then get the hell out of here!" I thought it was pretty funny despite my contractions. Alex planned on making the officer feel bad if he/she was not nice about it. Luckily, this officer was really nice and wasn't planning on giving us a ticket anyway, he was simply telling us something we already knew!

I am pretty lucky with the way my labor turned out. Luckily, I started out having contractions 5 minutes apart. Apparently they can start out really far apart and then get closer and more painful. Mine were already close, so I didn't have to tough it out for very long before getting to the hospital. Once I got to the hospital, they took me to my room and gave me my epidural. The worse part about labor for me was having to have a C-section. Not only did I have to push for over 3 hours, I didn't have any success with it because he was upside down and turned to one side. I was really upset that it ended with a C-section, I kind of felt like a failure. After they decided that I should deliver by Cesarean, it was only a matter of minutes before my handsome baby boy was born. I don't know how the pain compares, but delivering that way really hurt. I suppose I could have asked for stronger pain medication, but I never did.

So, Wednesday I take him to get his shots and I get to find out how much he weighs and how tall he is. I am excited for the weight and height check, not so much for the shots. It makes me feel so bad! It was hard to watch the first time around, even more so because Alex wasn't there. At least this time he will be able to spend the day with us. :)

Happy December!

What a wonderful time of year! I don't necessarily like the cold, but I have to say, this time of year is my favorite. I love the feeling I get around Christmas. It all stems from my childhood--waking up before everyone else, going downstairs to see all the presents that Santa brought and then going back to bed until it's time to get up with the family to open them all--it was a magical feeling. As unfortunate as it is that I know that Santa is not real, I still get that same feeling every Christmas. It's not the opening gifts that I enjoy so much as it is spending time with family. I guess that is why I like Thanksgiving so much too, (although eating a ton may have a little to do with it too :) )

I went to the gym this morning and it was snowing a little. I got a happy, warm feeling as I got out of my car and walked in it. It's nice when you have something else to focus on other than the freezing cold! There is nothing quite like the first snow and although I wouldn't consider this the first snow, it was nice feeling like Christmas is coming up. I can't wait until we get our first actual stick-to-the-ground snow. Christmas is not the same when there isn't snow on the ground.

When I got home, I couldn't help but put in the old school "How the Grinch Stole Christmas" DVD I got last year. I loved that cartoon as a little kid, and I still do. It's funny to me that when I was younger I thought it was an actual movie--it's only 26 minutes long. I suppose it makes sense though, kids' attention spans aren't usually long enough to sit through a whole movie. Alex thought it was kind of funny that I was putting it in to watch it. "You're watching that? Why don't you watch it when Christmas is closer?" "I'll just watch it again." And he just laughed at me. What can I say, it's one of my favorite childhood memories!

So, as I count the days until Christmas, I am enjoying every little bit of it. After Christmas I will not be so happy going outside in the cold, snowy weather. :)

Seasonal Affective Disorder

I'll tell you who has it. People who live in the Jordan Creek area. People who shop at the big C. Daylight savings must really affect peoples' moods because people were having a difficult time responding to a simple "Hi, how are you?". Apparently people did what I did the night before; they stayed up extra late because they got an extra hour of sleep, cancelling out the extra hour. And not only did it cancel out the extra hour--if they were like me and stayed up later than an hour-- it made them more tired because they got less sleep than they usually get.

I will say, I am kinda sad that we will be seeing less sunlight now that we changed the clocks back an hour. I can feel the serotonin draining out of my system. Not really, but I'm sure that would be a weird feeling. I should buy one of those "happy" lights. The ones that are supposed to help you feel happy (hints the name) during the winter months. To me it just looks like a bright light. I have my doubts that it actually works.

What I am looking forward to the least are the little annoying things winter brings--dry hands, static, colds and the feeling of your nose hairs freezing in your nose. I need to find a new CD that I can listen to to lift my spirits in these hard, hard months. Maybe I'll buy the Colbie Caillat CD I haven't gotten yet. Or maybe a CD that has some acoustic guitar with some piano. Ahh that sounds nice.

Anyone want to go on a tropical vacation with me? Maybe move to Hawaii? Anyone?

Karma is a bitch Robert Hatch.

It's getting cold again. I am not really looking forward to the cold weather. In fact, I have been dreading it. I think I am starting to get a cold too which makes the cold, windy weather that much worse. The good thing about the cold is I can break out my winter boots again and wear sweaters and sweatshirts. That is my favorite thing about the cold, by far. It also means that Thanksgiving and Christmas are coming up. Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday. I'm not really sure why, except for I absolutely love the feeling I get. It must stem from a childhood memory, although I can't really remember a good Thanksgiving before I met Alex. My ex-step father made holidays hell in any way he could. He would lecture us and make my mom upset over things that didn't really matter. Things like laying on the floor in the living room, putting the dogs outside or talking too loud were just a few of the things that he would get after us about. He was probably the worst thing I can remember when I think about holidays or my childhood. And the strange thing was, was that he would mostly get mad at me. There was something about me that he didn't like. Sure he got upset with my other siblings, but not quite to the extent that he got upset with me. He could probably tell that I despised him and his son more than anything else, but I really wasn't a bad kid, he just didn't like me; he hated me. I mostly kept to myself. The saddest thing about it was that when my mom wasn't home and Bob was, I would just stay in my room, all night, just so I wouldn't have to be around him. I would avoid him at all costs. So you can imagine the relief I felt when my mom decided that she had taken enough of his verbal abuse and decided that she would live without him. I felt free again. That must be the great feeling I get now on Thanksgiving and Christmas--being able to enjoy myself without having to walk on eggshells--or having to worry that Bob was going to say something that would make my mom or one of us kids cry. It's not hard to believe that we are all emotionally scarred because of him, but at least that part of our lives is over. Now when I think about him, all I think about is sending him a mean letter or email saying how much of my life he ruined. How much of my mom's life he ruined. And then I think about doing something destructive to him or his possessions.

My absolute fondest memory of being lectured by him was when we were driving home from a movie--my mom, Bob, my friend Heather and I. Heather and I were in the back seat, getting lectured about who knows what, and a song came on the radio. The chorus is "And it's a great day to be alive, I know the sun's still shining when I close my eyes, There's some hard times in the neighborhood, But why can't every day be just this good?" I was mouthing the song to Heather while he was lecturing us. He had no idea that we weren't listening to him, that I was mocking him. I was secretly embarrassed, but I guess that's how I coped with the years of verbal abuse, I joked about it.

I have to admit that every time I hear about something that has happened to him, I get a good deal of satisfaction out of it. Karma is a bitch Robert Henry Hatch. Remember that. When you had to file for bankruptcy, when you had to foreclose on your house, I hope you know I was smiling. You deserve every bit of bad that you get for putting us all through hell. And to everyone who is reading this, know that I am not a cold person. Usually I empathize with people who have bad things happen to them. But in this case, it is 100% deserved. Not always do bad things happen to bad people, but high-five for this. The universe is showing me that in the end, people really do get what they deserve. I have to stop myself when I start feeling sorry for him. It's sad that he will most likely die alone, with no one in his life. He has nothing anymore. I simply have to remind myself that he could have had it all. He could have had a family that cared about him, but he ruined any chance he had by being a complete ass hole.

So every holiday my family has now without Bob is a blessing. I am thankful that he is no longer a part of our lives, that he can no longer hurt us with his hateful words. It feels good to be free of him; it feels really good.

Ugh

Tomorrow is the day that I have been dreading ever since I gave birth to my little monkey man. That's right. I go back to work tomorrow and I am not looking forward to it. I am happy that Alex has the day off so he can watch him while I am at work, but I will still miss him. I talked Alex into taking me to work tomorrow. It took little negotiating actually. It makes more sense considering that we have family night at Alex's parents' house. The good news, I only work weekends. I have to keep reminding myself that I am only going to be working weekends so it's not really that big of a deal being gone for 8 hours each day. I'll be fine.

On a brighter note, I successfully completed my second week of working out today. The first week I went 5 out of 7 days, but it was random. This week: Monday-Friday 6:30-7a.m. workouts. 25-30 minutes on the elliptical machine and then weights. Arms and legs every other day. It feels good to get back in the swing of things and it works out well, really. Keagan has been sleeping 9 hours at night for the past week so when he gets up at 6:15, I feed him and put him back in bed and then I go to the gym. It's kind of sad how out of shape I have gotten these past months. I am pretty hard on myself, and even though I had a baby 8 weeks ago, I feel like my body should be more like what it was before I got pregnant. It is not at all like what it was pre-pregnancy though. I wish results would show sooner. One good thing is my pre-pregnancy jeans are starting to fit better. It's kind of weird how it works..jeans fitting better but the numbers on the scale don't really change much. That's why it's frustrating. I have to keep telling myself that numbers don't mean everything.

Another completely random thought, I am really happy that it is fall. I love this season. Sunny, cool weather. Leaves on the ground. Trees turning oranges and reds. It really makes me happy. Part of it has to do with the fact that I met Alex in the summer and we started dating in the fall. Ugh, sappy. Alex would be so disappointed if he read this. Anyway, all along I have been saying how depressed it makes me that it is starting to get dark at 6:30 at night, but not I am kind of looking forward to daylight savings.

I don't want to go to work tomorrow. UGH! Maybe I won't wait so long to write my next blog either.

Silly doctors.

I think the person who said that babies sleeping on their bellies could potentially cause SIDS doesn't really know what they are talking about. More often than not, I think doctors and other professionals don't have an explanation for medical problems, SIDS included, so they tell people what to do and what not to do to prevent that problem from happening. In fact, I think it is kind of ridiculous for doctors to tell people the worst case scenario when it most likely will never come to that. For example, when I was pregnant, I went to the doctor for a checkup and to listen to baby's heartbeat. When the doctor was trying to find his heartbeat she says "Oh, that sounds like an irregular heartbeat." She then switches to the other side of my stomach where she could hear his heartbeat better, and as it turned out, his heartbeat wasn't irregular at all. My question is, why would you even say something like that without being sure first? She's lucky I wasn't overly emotional that day because I can only imagine what some pregnant people would do if she caused panic like that to them. Another example of being told the worst case scenario was when baby K was born with jaundice and the doctor said that if it gets high enough it could cause brain damage. It freaked me out. I worried for DAYS because of that comment.

Anyway, I have been putting him on his belly to sleep for naps and I think he sleeps better that way. I have put him on his side to sleep too. My mom put me on my stomach to sleep all the time when I was younger and I didn't die from SIDS. I think it is kind of funny that they used to tell new parents to not have their babies sleep on their backs because if the baby spit up, they might choke on it. Pretty soon they will tell us that babies can't sleep at all because something terrible will happen if they do.